thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
