I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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