she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
