The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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