i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
