I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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