if you like me you must not know who I am
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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