I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Randomize
