FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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