**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
