??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
