He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
