I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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