Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
