He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Sorry about my life...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
