Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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