So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
