Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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