So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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