So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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