can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
