You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
