How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
