are you still at the devil's house?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I don't deserve a penis
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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