i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
