These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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