Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
