I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
