Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
please come you make the beer taste better
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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