Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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