Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
