Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
handjob tips. give me some.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
