Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
