he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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