She just used a chaser for red wine.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
