Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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