I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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