I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
