New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
