if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
