with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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