the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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