people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Let's paint friendship bongs
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize
