She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
