shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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