worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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