to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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