dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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