What a fucking waste of an outfit
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
