He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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