I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
