the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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