VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
