WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
