He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
